Wednesday, November 29

Last night, she had to work even though it's her off day. 2 customers getting their hair done at our place at night...8pm.....10pm...11pm. I had been working the whole day today and was really tired.I cannot even take a shower. So I thought maybe clean all the rooms first so later she just have to do the living room only and I can go to sleep first since I need to wake up early and she can sleep in later tomorrow.Fair right?But noooooo, she actually had to clean the WHOLE HOUSE all over again.Dad even told her I had clean the rooms already.But NooooOo,she said I didn't.(-_-''') And then she goes her " I worked from 11.30am till now so tired but still have to clean the house after that." chant again.

Should I say "Hey,it's your problem working non-stop and not resting,not enough $ then not enough lar,let ourself learn our own lesson and learn how to be thrifty even more lor." or

" Woah,sorry, work until aching but nobody helped you.I'm so useless,can never clean the house clean enough for you.Come let me clean until my legs and hands break so the whole house will be so clean till our eyes will be blinded from the shine?".I really don't know what to say. To think for my own self or to think for her? I'm never doing anything that satisfy her.

Really what have I done previously to make her treat me like that?

Anyway,so here I am,feeling really warm inside,I always feel heaty when I slept even only for 5 hours of sleep.And I still ate a chocolate that look strongly to be expired on 2001...let's hope it's 2007.Gosh,I had been eating chocolates for 4 days straight,record breaker! Maybe because chocolates keeps you happy? Yeah and bananas too.

I shall not sit here and brood over this le,lived and let go lor.What can I do anyway? Pray bah.Ey...I bought my First Singapore Sweep ticket actually.Sighz,if money is the cure to my family,I wish I could win and I'll be glad to give them all of it.

For the World to see, 2:32 PM.

Tuesday, November 28

Can you believe it? My dad said my socks are too long.(0_O) Gosh.... at least in school people only said I looked like Japanese.One aunty even said Sailormoon...ok...wrong era.Lol. Waaat??Cannot dress up nice nice once in awhile hah?

Cannot blame if I did and people said I cute right?Muahahahahaha~*abish!

Now...in anime,the term for fetish for cute things is chibi right?What about fetish for girls in school uniform? I know there's a term....hmmm...,you see I just saw this incoming figurines from ToHeart...and it was so ...*droolz..kawaii nei~ (^o^)

I'm not talking about my work right now because... I don't want anyone to know what had happened.Muahahahaha... whew~ at least everything had settled down and I have time to go drink tea again tomorrow...hopefully.BUT hor, see this ah...I STILL got work to do hor.Stop thinking I'm slacking . Thank you. (*_*)

Just now took the bus home...then this guy came up the bus,walked slightly past me,paused, and sat in front of me...Good game liao. His face was like always turning side ways so I can see his side profile.Yap.Okaaay.... then he was reaching for something in his pocket so his arm was bending back, I really got the urge to grab it .(0_o)

Who says guys in animes are not real? There are some who look like that.

Nerdy can be cool.

I hate going to the library,first my bag was empty and the next thing you know,it's dragging me down from all the books.The library is doubling up the loans for the holidays you see.I have 2 cards.........lucky I refrain myself from using both since I remembered the bus will be crowded later.

I've got my favourite book. Character Design for Mobile Devices. Inside it tells you all about the earliest gaming system to the latest.And of course Nintendo is the father of all portable system. And of course pixel art is in there everywhere.There is so much history in it and so many character designs.OF COURSE I'M ADDICTED TO IT! Pixel art..something I love and hate.And mainly because Nintendo is well-mentioned inside and very much appreciated.Things like the creator of Gameboy quit and joined Bandai to create Wonderswan and the DS design is actually a tribute to the first sucessful portable system of theirs.And TOMY,TOMY wor, TOMY actually was part of the first portable games era too.I always thought TOMY was about trainsets and mini cars.

I'm only 1/8 through reading,there's so much to read and look at.

*High~(^_^)

I really just wanna buy that book and keep it.

I remembered it costed $40++ at Kinokuniya??

Hmmm....

For the World to see, 10:34 PM.

Monday, November 20

Boy! The weekdays like past really quickly leh, whee! =D

Then suddenly it's Saturday~ whee~ I like Sat because can go meet my beloved Gabby & May and play games~lol , kk,not for the sake of playing,also to learn.Orh Orh.

No,seriously, I 'd learnt quite a few things there,what you should and should not.It really cleared up a few things for me.=)

We had Praise and Worship session that day.

Though I daresay it's not much of Praise,rather it's all about worship.Emo sia~ We must also sing to God in a happy and enjoyable mood mah.Oh wells~ like I said the singing is definately very different from my own church.It's really hard to sing with feelings when you were sitting down or everyone just stood there...no one raises their hands or anything.Ahhhhhh~

Dad bought us an electronic keyboard,talk about trying to save money (-_-).No complains though.I'm really happy about it.Yey~piano piano~ and I had been spamming the keyboard ever since.

Waat? Learn guitar? I got say meh? Roflol.

I already don't put up much hope into it le. But on the other hand,the keyboard is really fun!=D

And at least I can play something.And there I was spamming 'Chopsticks' with my bro last night and playing bass for his Ou De Yang song.It was really hilarious because I don't know how to read all the 'tao gey ' looking notes,and my bro's like trying to teach me,forcing me to read and I purposely don't want to learn.So he gave up and he just try to read me out the notes while playing but his voice will go off tune and I will keep laughing,and then we would keep making funny noises or go haywire until my mum tells us to shut up coz it's late at night.

Muahahaha~But we did play a really nice piece after that.

It's a warp!*Yoks

And of course my "Chopsticks" was da best.lol.

For the World to see, 3:35 PM.

Tuesday, November 14

Why I like Jelly Tots. Because it's round and tiny and chewy and it contains real fruit juice.*Chew chew chew~ Jelly Tots keeps me working ~ *chew ~ I am able to concentrate on my work better~*chew~ have to finish it by today~*chew chew~ so why am I still blogging?? *chew chew chew~

The aunty on leave today so no one buys food for me,so I called up Firdaus for lunch.I had the most expensive fish soup ever, 4 pcs of fish for $3.50! Makes me spent more $ to buy more food.Lucky I found Jelly Tots.*chew~and Firdaus bought a tin of assorted biscuits.Mmmmm....I don't need to buy biscuits,the teachers' lounge have plently!Whee~(^_^)-V

Better start work ~ *CHEEEEEWWWW~

For the World to see, 2:36 PM.

Sunday, November 12

Argggh!! I'm so E$?!#$! First my dad kept chanting away,"you keep downloading get caught not my problem",and everytime the news on tv have something to do on downloading he will call me here and now he starts pasting newspaper article in front of me while I'm at the computer!!!! I'm really pissed man! He's treating me like a criminal.I never download illegally before.No limewire or Ares or IRC whatever.. I'm not so stupid to do something illegal you know. I CAN READ THE LAW and know what I can or cannot.ZzzzZzz...Then after that he starts yakking about money not having enough and we spending too much and I should give the family more money.I don't think I wanna go for further studies anymore.You tell me where can afford when my family seemed to have not enough money everytime.

I really don't want to say anything to them, they are always complaining we waste alot of electricity,pot calling the kettle black ,if the electricity bill were to be spiltted I bet I will be the lowest cost.Parents never see the the good side of you and are always comparing their child with other people's kid.So tired of hearing all this...(*_*)

I can't even stay at home and have some peace on a Sunday.Don't want me to go church with my friends already I don't want to say anything.Go out,said I spent money, stay home I'm wasting electricity...hao nan zuo ren ah!!! \(0.O)/~~~ And then he starts blaming my hamsters ,say I spend too much on them($12 every 2 months from my allowance is alot?) and I should throw them away.Over my dead body!!!!

And I already warned my mum to eat no matter how busy you are.Don't want to listen,said too busy to even sit down to eat.So always never eat the whole day.Then now feel like vomitting already lar...then we go out she so xi ku,tell her to eat she don't want, say no appetite,then so weak,go home lie down in bed....I really dunno what to say lor,I really wanna say "see lar? Don't listen to me lar",that time told her must eat abit if not will become worse,then you will have gastric problems like me.Don't believe me, say I deserve it somemore.Now leh?Tsk tsk.

If her work is so torturing I really want her to stop working there,but nOOOooO, she have to work,because money not enough lar,we spending too much lar,what to do lar, her children not thoughtful at all lar,always thinking of going out and enjoy with their hard earned money lar...it's always about money money money....I really hate it,why do people chose money over health? And for goodness sake,I do keep a part of my cash for savings,just because your parents is "suffering" now so the children must suffer with them is it?You want me give the family more,I give half also can! Just stop complaining that I'm not appreciative and am a spendthrift.Gosh...(0.O)

Gastric is not a joke, that time I was really suffering,cannot anyhow eat whatever food I like *pure torture (o.0)/!! and all I get was serve you right,later she gastric , then they will scold us say mum worked so hard until sick lar but we still don't appreciate lar...it's always like that,always want us to feel guilty.Why can't they listen to me once? But you always think I'm acting only.Sighz.It hurts me to see my mum aching everywhere and not eating. But in the first place,it was her who wants to work and feels that I never clean the house clean at all and she have to do it again.Her cleanliness is really up 10 levels than normal people.Then she will be sick,have headaches everyday, and make me feel guilty that I never helped the family at all.

So tired...so darn tired...really don't know how to please my parents at all. I'm just too lazy.Being lazy isn't all bad isn't it? It means to know how to enjoy life and handle my own life well without stressing oneself unnecessary and still completing the tasks given.It's money man,money is making everyone like this.

Money is the root of all evil.

For the World to see, 9:25 PM.

Saturday, November 11

This few days,always stayed at my desk and have my lunch, lonely~I'm so lonely~ lol,nah,anyway the AM's lunchtime is not fixed one, so I just eat my own,can half eat half do work.Hardworking right?Lol.(^o^)

I must go get a small umbrella for Gabrielle.She almost did not want to join us for church activity because it was raining and she did not have an umbrella except a big one.(-_-''') So,I went down to "fetch" her with my trusty umbrella.=D Both May and me are delighted that she came and hope she comes for the following activities next time.The 3 jie meis unite!Whee~

They had 2 birthday cakes for the Oct/Nov babies and there was a hell lot of Oct/Nov babies,including dear Gabby.Lol.I hope she's happy! And I just found out Gab=October,May=Nov,Me=Dec!! Cool!!Indeed the jie meis!

And!My! Pillow! Is! Alive! Halleujah!!Jesus is Lord!Lol. I'm so happy! After days of putting under the sun,it's getting fluffy and soft again! Only problem is that it's giving out a really weird smell and I don't wanna try to know how a cockroach smells like.(o.0) Never mind,I have faith the smell will be gone too and soon it will only have my smell.Lol.*excited

Yey!God loves me! Oh HE does~la la la~

For the World to see, 10:15 PM.

Friday, November 10

Haven't been updating myself in the ang moh kwas but when I heard this I love it.This is a really emo song.(^o^)

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

For the World to see, 10:07 AM.

Thursday, November 9

I have work to do..whee~(>.<) .

I can't believe I dared to send a casual email to the VP with "Be Happy!" at the end...arrrgggh!

What was I thInking!!!

Then she replied really short and straightforward.(o.o)

That's why I'm still scared of her,she's so stern.Don't know what she's thinking.Sighss.

If only she give me a pat on the shoulder or go Hi Grace! Then I feel more comfortable.

My fellow CCPEs seemed to be really busy organising stuff...me? I'm just keying in data,CCAs schedules,venues,Raise ITQs in GeBiz and typing out the words from a test paper into a word .doc.Am I suppose to do that?? (0.0) I have not much to do anyway,so I just take it.

So far I'm neither enjoying nor hating my job.

Everyone's nice.They make sure I can cope with my work,that's why I am COPING REALLY TOO WELL . Lol.(^o^)

I had a paper on what the teachers want me to help in.

And I see alot of "Assisting" inside.While some of my CCPEs have to organise and plan an activity themselves, I always for someone there to tell me evrything step by step on what to do.You know,when it comes to lucky draws or playing Black Jack ,I can never win at all,I win abit and want more I lose even more.

But when it comes to work ,I always seemed to have an easy road.

In Sec school,I see people stressing over their exams revison but I don't feel like studying,in the end,I got the same grades as them who studied so much more then me.

Not saying I'm clever and they are not lar,in fact I am a very slow learner,and you must tell me everything in detail,step by step,that's why I failed algebra.LOL.So it's just that God always seemed to make everything easy for me.

And I think it's the most wonderful thing that had happened to me.

It's like God knows I'm a little girl ,yes yes little girl my arse... so He takes extra good care of me making sure I'm alright.

If not,I think it's mainly I'm too dumb and naive to feel stress.Lol.(^_^)

But still my whole life in everything I do,there is always someone there to help me.

Because I'm too lovable right? Muaahahaha...!

And I really truely deeply apreciate that,and sincerely from the bottom of my heart ,I wanna thank each and every one of my friend who had been there,who had listen to my problems and gave me the support and encouragment,the jokes and the laughter and the treats.*Yoks

If not for them,I won't be who I am right now,joking away,bouncing away...(o.0)

Thank you so much for understanding my situation and trying to make sure I included in some ways or another.I know so many of you always tells me to look for you whenever I have problems but I never did because you being there to laugh with me is really more than enough le.(^_^)-V Yey!

Lately I had been very emo hor?

Haha maybe because when you are sitting at your desk with no one around most of the time,you start thinking.So I brought my CDs and I almost fell off the chair when I played my songs...(-_-''') and I'm feeling better le,music really can affect ones' mood.I hope whoever it is is not watching the security camera behind me.No I don't want to know man...*shudders

Nov 19th is the launch of Nintendo Wii and I cannot get it.Sad.

And my digital camera is broken and the repair cost 200 bucks so I did not repair it.

My wishlist is getting longer and longer now.

And my birthday is in 2 months time. Time to bug those who said "I will remember your birthday and give you present one lar" and never did people liao.Lol.(^o^)

Even if it's a box of Hello Pandas~

For the World to see, 12:08 AM.

Wednesday, November 8

VIOLET

You surround yourself with art and music and are constantly driven to express yourself. You often daydream. You prefer honesty in your relationships and believe strongly in your personal morals.

Find out your color at QuizMeme.com!

Your score was 57/180.2,721,512 people have taken this quiz.And 132,964 got Violet like you.

I find it so true leh!Everything!N I like purple too.I'm a sucker when it comes to personality test.lol(^o^)

For the World to see, 3:20 PM.

Sunday, November 5

I knew it, just I was saying everything is turning out well in my previous blog, today she gave us a choice,either you go on Saturday or Sunday.Who ever heard of not going to service? Sighz,she just don't want us to go the service in another church.I just don't understand....why does she always make things so difficult for us? All I wanna do is to get to understand God more...here I learn so much.And she thinks I 'm having fun and playing with my friends.

Everything is repeating itself once again.That's why,I don't wanna go church.Why must I sacrifice my r/s with my mum because I wanna learn more.Why does she never ever give me a chance? Why does she always think I make use of the churchs' name to go out and have fun?I really really wanna learn but I really cannot find any help from my old church.What's wrong with friends helping me? It's not that I never tried looking for help there.

If this goes on,I'm gonna break soon.Yesterday, some of my CCPEs decided to go for karaoke and dinner for a nice gathering.And I was told I will be locked out if I come home late....I left at 9pm,without dinner.Sighzzz...they will never ever trust me,all they ever think was I will go havoc if I go out and all that.I will never be their perfect daughter."Other peoples' kids are always so much beter than us...y he can like that ,why you cannot? I give up on you liao lar!"

I wish they did give up on me ah.Then I won't have to worry what they think if I do this or that,can anot?How they feel?...Everything I do ,they look at the bad side.They will start dragging everything you do in the past...other parents will be so glad if their kids clean just their own room.Me leh,I will never clean the house clean enough for her.And I go out once a week with my friend,I'm deemed as a naughthy girl.I go church learn,they say I'm using church as an excuse. Is there anything I do they are ever proud of?

I'm so glad I'm working now.It keeps me occupied.Everyday after work,go for dinner,then go home clean the house, then bathe then sleep.Just nice.I hate to say this but I really kind of regret starting to go to church at all.I knew it will happen.N who's there to help? No one,because they will never listen to anyone.Only God knows how.

For the World to see, 7:14 PM.

Thursday, November 2

I want to say, I have not been to church for , er...2 months? Yaaa.... I don't know,I'm so stuck in the middle.You see mum 's working everyday and she's really tired and deserve a break on Sunday,so the family usually sleep in till noon.Part of me wanted to go alone myself,yet part of me is afraid this will affect my r/s with me mum again,as some of my friends know and is mainly because Sunday is the only day all of us can be together and I would rather be with them then go to church w/o them and they later going off some where w/o me.So for the past few weeks,this goes on, and you can say I was really happy because we haven't had a serious conflict till now. So this goes on.And I was thinking....I so long never go church le,don't say never go..I don't even remember praying too. So I should extremely guilty right? But nope,in fact,I tried not to think about it,I even thought don't go church better because we are so much happier this way. And I am.Am I?

I don't know how to say this..you can say I am very happy , no conflicts with my family, I finally started my new job and it seemed to be going quite smoothly,everyone is really nice to me until I feel like a student myself here.lol.But there seemed to be something missing...or rather something stuck inside me but I don't know what.Then one Sunday in the car,my dad said he went to check out the service at our neighbourhood.Dad? He? Go service? On his own? Not for the sake of accompanyin us? Wow!

So I decided to join my brother to his church aka May's church.And the next day,Sunday,my parents decided to go to the church too! Un-believeable! And the church people are super duper nice,and that's when I felt the warmth and how that joy it should have been rather than just being happy.The people will be like,telling my bro:" I finally see you in church for service!" or "Woah! Your whole family's there!" and May is also so happy that I finally came and suddenly even my whole family came.I was kinda touched by the warm hospitality,everyone make sure I was not left out,best of all,I can be with my brother in a group together with our own school friends.I truely enjoyed myself then.And the next miracle? Gab will join us next Saturday!

What can I say? Even though I 've been a bad Christian,but everything turned out even better.And once again,God did it. Something I had been hoping for,had been dreaming for,is not always when u try to do it,but it was when I gave up ,and suddenly it's here.Wow? Yes.I can only say Wow.

What's next? I don't know. How do I find the service,it was good,the message was good,understandable and I like the way it was preached using a chapter of the bible instead of just a verse.It allows me to understand the bible since I have not read all.But I definately missed the worship in my previous church.ALOT.EXTREMELY.Because I feel more during worship there.If there's one way I could relate my feelings to God,that will be in music...sighz.They don't raise their hands,cannot jump and dance,oh wells...I guess it will definately take some time.Whether if it means to change church or we will one day go back to FCBC.As long as I can stay with my family and praise God at the same time I'm happy liao.I'll let God decide for me.=)

Once again this is truely God's work.I left Him but He did not.He find ways for me to come back.Doesn't that prove how great He is once again? Hee hee. And it's 5.30pm already an I'm off from work.So I need to stop here.lol.

No.Tomorrow I have work to do ok? Who says I'm slacking? I'm not. Tra la la~~

For the World to see, 5:40 PM.